Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
