i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
