I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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