cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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