Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
