I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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