the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
