I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
