C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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