Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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