i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize