What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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