New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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