I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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