If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
