toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you will always have a special place in my vag
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
