i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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