all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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