...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
