First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
