This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
