it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
