mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
