omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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