Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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