he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
