I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
