this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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