just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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