I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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