what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
