so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
