you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
