her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
