its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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