Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize