Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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