1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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