And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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