the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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