I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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