Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
