I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
