I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
