I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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