I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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