When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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