Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found puke in my bra..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize