his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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