Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
