I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
