Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
