i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
