You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
