This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're a waste of cheezeits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
