Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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