as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize