Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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