I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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