plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
