imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
