your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And then he peed in my hair
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