so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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