Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
