she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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