Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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